Every October, National Coming Out Day reminds us to support and encourage queer people in embracing their authentic selves. For me, though, the day strikes a different chord. It invites reflection on what authenticity has meant in my own life.
The thing is, I’ve never felt like I couldn’t be my authentic self.
At first, I wasn’t sure where to begin with writing this. I’ve never talked about being gay on a public platform. I’ve always just been gay and never thought there was much more to say. Maybe that sounds like a boring story. But as the world has changed, and as I’ve grown with it, I’ve come to realize that my story is something to be proud of. And what better time to share it than now, when I’m in a workplace like PAN that empowers me to embrace my full self every day.
Looking Back at the Early Years
Of course, it wasn’t always easy. My formative years were in the 2000s and early 2010s, a period that, to many, might seem like a time of growing acceptance and visibility. But for a lot of us, it was still complicated. Slang terms were common, social media was unfiltered, mental health was stigmatized, and standing out from the crowd often came with scrutiny. All of that admittedly delayed me from sharing who I was.
But I made it through, thanks in large part to the incredible luck of having an accepting family and friends who simply didn’t make a big deal of it. When I was 18, I told my best friend I was gay while driving to a movie. She nodded and complained about the traffic. When I was 19, I told my family at the end of dinner. They nodded too, and my dad asked if anyone wanted dessert.
Those moments stick with me. They remind me that coming out allowed me to keep living authentically, knowing I would be accepted and that it would be OK. The people closest to me let me share on my own timeline and gave me a space to show that nothing had really changed.
Navigating the Now
Since my teens, I’ve built a life I love: weekdays spent doing what truly feels like a dream job at PAN, Saturdays laughing with friends, and Sundays cheering for the Buffalo Bills. In between, there’s family, travel, dogs, exercise, cozy couch days, and more Bills. I’m grateful for all of it and for being able to live it authentically. Being gay isn’t my whole story, but it’s an important piece of it — the part that completes the puzzle.
So, I stand corrected. My story isn’t boring. It’s joyful, it’s real, and it’s mine.
A Hope for Others
Still, I know not everyone has that kind of experience, and I don’t take that for granted. My hope is that anyone reading this — whether your story feels simple like mine or full of challenges — can find encouragement in knowing that joy and authenticity are possible. It might take time, but you’ll get there. You’ll have support from me and from others who’ve been there.
And if you’re really lucky, you’ll find yourself in a place like PAN, where being yourself isn’t just accepted, it’s celebrated. We believe authenticity fuels stronger connections within ourselves, across our teams, with our clients, and through the stories we tell.
If you or someone you know is exploring what it means to come out or support others in doing so, here are a few resources and stories that offer perspective and encouragement:
- The Trevor Project — Crisis intervention and support for LGBTQ+ youth.
- GLAAD Resources — Guides and tools for understanding and allyship.
- Love, Simon — A heartfelt film about identity, friendship, and finding confidence in authenticity.
- The 10 Year Plan — A romantic comedy that celebrates love without centering on coming out itself.
Because ultimately, every story — whether simple or complex — matters.
